Homesickness

Well, I have officially experienced a measure of homesickness.  Please don't get me wrong; I'm not melting down or hulling up in a depression.  I just think it's interesting how small twitches turn into stronger feelings because of a simple incident.  Let me explain. It's so funny, I have lived away from family for 6 years now and during those 5 years in New Mex there were some pretty substantial visitor droughts, well I suppose "substantial" is relative because we had lots of company and tried to get back to Utah a couple times a year. But coming from a very tight knit family, you feel distances particularly on holidays, celebrations or during trials.  I even went a year and a half not seeing 2 of my darling sisters...and that was really awful for me.  The reason this homesickness is strange is that I saw all of my family just about 6 or 7 weeks ago (hardly a stretch coming off months and months of absence).  This feeling is different though, this is a more true "home"--sickness.  Not so much for family, although, heaven knows I'd love to have all the J's together and Ev and Nik to see this place and experience all the exciting things we have done.  The ache is more for "home", familiar, "normal".  Ya know, people driving the right way, finding all the food I need in the grocery store, not having to experiment with cooking--(what's with all the lamb and veal???), watching sports on TV that I actually understand and paying for things with dollar bills rather than dollar coins.  I know these things seem silly and simple and the adjustments are extremely minimal but it's so interesting how they become accentuated at unexpected moments.

It all started the other day at Mum's group.  We were just sitting around enjoying the winter sunshine watching our kids at another AMAZING Brisbane park (the parks here are incredible).  And here comes one of the American mums with her "shared treat".  She sits down and I gasp a little..."Are those Rice Krispy treats?" I could barely get the words out while keeping my emotions from oozing through each syllable.  I thought I was going to burst with excitement.  I wanted to jump up and down and dance my way around the play structures. Instead I grabbed her and hugged her and thanked her a million times!  I know...ridiculous right? There were 2 other American mums there and we just all huddled over the confectionery, laughing as the long gooey strings of marshmallows were pulled and stretched from the pan.  We dangled them over our faces and enjoyed every sweet moment it entered our mouths.  Savoring each crunchy krispy!  The American mum that brought the treats told us she had unexpectedly found some "american marshmallows" at a specialty shop a couple months ago and she bought a bunch of bags and has tried to make them last, because she hasn't seen any since.  I probably haven't mentioned that you can't get marshmallows here.  They have their own version of mallows and they're not really made for baking.  They are found in the candy aisles in small bags like gummy bears or circus peanuts.  They aren't the same and won't melt like American mallows.  Anyway, I felt so thankful that she had used up a bag of precious, treasured American marshmallows on us at mum's group.  The Aussie mums with us were so surprised at our reaction.  They all tasted the treats and agreed they were pretty good.  They asked how we got the mallows to melt like that.  We had to explain that in the states marshmallows aren't necessarily considered treatsies.  They're mostly for roasting or baking really.  They surmised that I must've REALLY loved rice krispy treats in the states to evoke such a reaction.  I admitted, I liked the treats but no true love or obsession-- and I wasn't sure why I was so excited about eating them today.  We explained it isn't that you miss the marshmallows--it's that it is something you couldn't have here.  Once you realize you can't have marshmallows...you suddenly have never wanted the puffy, fluffy, squishy sweet more than you do right now!  It brings up an ache for things you miss and for things that are familiar.  We sat around talking about what we miss most.  I found out that whenever someone comes or goes to the states they pretty much take orders for what things people want brought over.  (Rootbeer comes up a lot, marshmallows, even Pampered Chef products)  People bring an empty suitcase so they can fill it in the states and bring it back.  I was so glad I wasn't the only crazy, marshmallow missin' mama!  I guess it's normal to get homesick over silly things...and things--not even people!  Strange!

Anyway, I went home that day with a dull ache that literally just kinda stayed with me.  Everything seemed to remind me of home.  I was determined to bring something comfy to my kids that night.  I made a very noble attempt at my family's favorite treat: Cake Mix Cookies.  They don't have yellow cake mix here so I mixed up the vanilla mix and used their version of chocolate chips called chocolate buttons and we made do.  Not exactly the same but we had a cookie toast anyway to celebrate-- "A toast, to making it work and remembering that home is where your family is."  We can live without marshmallows and yellow cake mix.  It would be a thousand times worse if we didn't have each other!  Laying in bed that night I confessed to Lex that I had actually felt the sting of homesickness, but told him not to worry.  I wasn't wishing to go home or hating it here...just had a moment.  He surprised me when he laughed and said, "Really?  Just today?  I have those moments probably 5 times a day in the hospital!"  Working in a socialized medical world has been tough for Lex.  Seeing patients waiting up to 6 or 7 years for a surgery on a waiting list and then by the time it's their turn it's too late and the surgery is futile at that point. The damage that could've been fixed so easily had it been done in a timely fashion is irreparable. The patient simply no longer has use of their hand or limb.  It's been a real eye opener.

Interesting how little things like marshmallows and waiting lists make you feel the distance.  It's a lot of miles between me and American soil.  I love being here and refuse to wish even a single second away, but it is good to have those moments when you remember where home is!